Dogs in Heat, Bad Hair, and Dirty Diapers

Local News

Moon Lake Monday
Excerpts are taken from the Moon Lake Town Times Newspaper.

The morning headlines….

Sightings and Satire

RETRACTION: We apologize for yesterday’s announcement on Mrs. Kara Jones’ pregnancy. We regret to say it was an embarrassing error based on a miscalculated observation that she quickly corrected us on. It did however result in an invitation from the local Weight Watchers chapter.


Be on the lookout for Donna Patterson’s Pomeranian dog, “Fluffy”. She told us that the pooch jumped out of her car before she could grab the leash as they were going into the Vet’s office and is on the prowl. Fluffy had an appointment to be spayed. Ms. Patterson is worried the dog is in heat and looking for strays. As a precaution, we suggest keeping any available suitors inside until frisky Fluffy is captured.


Our Last Saving Grace Lutheran Church would like to mention once again that the casseroles left over from the community potluck will now be added to their kitchen.  Parishioner Annie Burmeister was quoted as saying, “It’s been two weeks since the dinner; and if you haven’t missed your casserole dish, you don’t need it, or have too many! Consider your forgetfulness an offering to the church.”


To the relief of many, Mary Mackie’s absence from church last week was not due to illness but a bad hair day! When a friend went to check on her, Mary reportedly said, “There was no way I was going to enter the house of God with my roots showing so badly. Sin is one thing, but two inches of gray coming through seemed sacrilegious!”  She has been taken off the prayer chain and says she only needs the miracle her hairdresser performs.


Dirty diapers for sale! A truck from the Itty-Bitty Booty Cloth Diaper Company turned over after taking too sharp of a turn on Main Street, creating quite a ruckus. Boxes rolled out and cloth diapers were scattered on the road. The diapers cannot be repackaged so are being sold soiled at a huge discount. They simply have to be cleaned and they’ll be good to cover your toddler’s tushie! Come buy a heavy “dooty” dirty diaper at half of what a clean one costs!

May 6, 2013

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