Rhubarb Queen, Colossal Carnivore & Miss Manners
by Holly Varni
June 26, 2013

Local News

Excerpts are taken from the Moonberry Lake Town Times Newspaper.

The morning headlines.

Congratulations to Ingrid Soren, the new Moonberry Lake Rhubarb Queen! At the sassy age of 72, she beat out other rhubarb enthusiasts. The contestants were judged on their creativity in the many uses of rhubarb. Pies, breads and jams were entered, but what made Ingrid win, were her homemade rhubarb beauty products. Using the red, tart fruit, she created lip balm, a facial mask and bath salts. The acidity in the sour fruit apparently exfoliates and emolliates the skin. She disclosed that she is currently working on transforming pure rhubarb syrup into a tonic to help the chronically grumpy Minnesotan in the winter. While some call it a weed that thrives even when left ignored, Ingrid believes there are marvelous and magical properties to the crimson stalk with huge dark green leaves that over our garden. During her royal reign, Ingrid pledges to spread the news of the versatility of rhubarb with her slogan, “Eat it, Drink it, Dunk it, Bake it or Spread it. There’s nothing rhubarb can’t do!”

The Shoelace Café has added a new item to their menu, the “Colossal Carnivore Burger.” If you can eat it all, it’s free. The owner said he got the idea after watching the movie, “Field of Dreams.” The expression, ‘Build it and they will come,’ was his inspiration in creating the meat monstrosity. At 6.5 pounds, the burger is the same weight as a newborn baby. Pictures of the winners will be proudly displayed on the wall of the café. So put aside moderation, dump the diet and come try it!

Miss Manners School of Etiquette is now enrolling sloppy students for the summer session. The owner and instructor, Moonberry Lake’s very own transplanted Southern Belle, Judy Spohn, will transform the rude and clueless to the elegant and charming. Whether your child eats like an animal or is awkward with the opposite gender, she will enlighten and educate them to become polished and polite people. She promises that her finishing school will give our Yankee children the same charm as southern ladies and gentlemen.